Rugged and Ready

Pit stops are a vital component of the American road trip experience. These brief interludes provide an opportunity to stock up on snacks and beverages while relieving one’s self of the previous stop’s snacks and beverages. It’s a chance to stretch the legs while discussing the next leg of the trip. However, before the adventure resumes, the restrooms are provide another adventure unto themselves.

Only God knows (any time someone starts a sentence this way, assume the worst) what fate befalls the wary traveler when entering a highway rest stop or gas station restroom but it’s almost always a time that leaves the discoverer with a host of perplexing questions.

Would it have been that much more difficult to flush?

How hard is it to get it in the toilet?

Does the sink handle really carry more disease than the toilet seat?

How the hell did they get THAT on the walls?

Why would George Michael and gay Republican Senators select such a filthy spot for a randy rendezvous?

On a recent road trip returning from Chicago to Nashville, I noticed a metal container in a truck stop facility selling various prophylactics including one that was declared a womb-be-damned “Rugged and Ready”, which prompted my own question,

What the hell does that even mean?

Trucks are rugged. Tools are rugged. Lumberjacks are rugged… but condoms?

Where in THE hell does one intend to put something that needs to be covered by a piece of latex marketed as “rugged?” I mean, assuming one was to use this for it's designed purpose, and in the course of doing so needed the protection afforded by a rubber deemed “rugged”, wouldn’t it prudent for the purchasing penetrator to reconsider copulation with the penetratee?

There are a many instances in life when you should reassess whether or not to get to know biblically whatever creature you have found at the bottom of a Bud Lite Tall Boy. At the very top of that list are the following two situations:

1) You are purchasing a condom in a truck stop bathroom
2) You consciously recognize your need for something “rugged” for “extra protection”

You don’t need a “rugged” condom; you need a willing participant that doesn’t make the Ebola monkey look like a Quaker’s daughter.

Just my two cents. Party on.